Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
