Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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