And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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