Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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