It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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