Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
