Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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