just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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