You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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