He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
