never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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