R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
