DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
