After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
