They should really pass out barf bags in church
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
