I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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