We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
