i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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