i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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