i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
