I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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