So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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