she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
