You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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