It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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