i don't like sucking hair
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
