For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
