We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
