apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
