some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
