I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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