The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
