Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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