i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
