I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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