I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's the barista slut.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
