Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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