Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize