Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
