i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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