I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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