Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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