I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
