Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
