Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
