Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
