As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
