So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
