her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
