You smell like stripper and shame
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
