I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
