census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
