i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
