He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I deserve this hangover.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
