Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
