She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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