margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
