oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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