So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize