Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize