There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
