I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
