I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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