FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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