dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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