So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
