I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
