im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
