We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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